The Meaning of Life

BY: CHRISTIAN HOLMES (@HOLMESYWRITES)

Your boi - Christian Holmes

You're reading The World According to Christian Holmes. The blog where I explain my perspective on life. Everyone sees life differently and that's okay. I'm not saying I see life better than you. I'm not putting myself on a higher pedestal than you. I'm just simply here to tell you the way I see things and broaden your perspective on the finer things in life. After all isn't life about appreciating all the small things? As the Danish-French painter, Camille Pissarro, once said, “Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.” This blog is all about the power of positive thinking.. or as I like to say… the POWER OF POSITIVITY! I like to be one hundred percent real. I don't like to act like I'm perfect, because I'm not. So for that reason, I'm going to swear, I'm going to be straight up, and I'm going to be bold! If you don't like that, than you probably won't like this blog, but do me a favour and keep reading. You might just gain a new perspective on things in life.

So with that being said, today's blog is going to focus on “the meaning of life”. I think this a perfect way for you, the reader, to get a good idea from where I come from mentally, physically and spiritually. Like I said before, I'm going to very real and honest about myself and my life. I’m not usually this open because at certain times in my life I was very self-conscious on how people would view me. But as I have gotten older, I learnt that sometimes it’s better to share my story rather than hiding it. So I guess today you can say I’m laying it all out on the line. So come as you are and find some new shit out about me. Without further ado, it's time to get this show on the road...

Life is an incredible journey. It has its ups and downs. It has its triumphs. It has its let downs. Life has a funny way of bending us back into shape when we go off course. Life tends to challenge us after each and every breath we take, but where would we be today without life's challenges? They truly make us who we are! And yes, no challenge is ever too great. We can overcome the challenges we face. I'm living and breathing proof of that!

Yes, we may have our naysayers. Our haters. And trust me, we all have our doubters. We may even have those voices in our head that say we're never going to be who we aspire to become. And honestly, that's all normal. Don't let them bring you down. Hey, what fun would there be in that if you did? If only we could shut the negative things up in our lives… unfortunately I don't practice Santeria and I ain't got no crystal ball. I can't give you all the answers but I can give you perspective. What my truth is what most can't define and that's a fact, jack. What I really want to say is something I can luckily define. And trust me, I got a pretty good idea on how to say it. ‘Cause life is too short to last long. One day I could get shot. One day I could get run over. One day I could succumb to pressure and I could just become an average joe like two thirds of this planet. So I have to love what I got. ‘Cause you see, this world is a crazy place, but it's a beautiful place  to me, and it should be to you too!

There are so many theories on the “meaning of life”. There's the religious theories, there's the scientific theories, and there's our theory. So I'm here to share my theory on “the meaning of life”. But before I do, I want to share a snippet of my life story to give you guys and gals an idea where I got this perspective on life from…

If you don't know me well, you might not know I have a disability called Moebius syndrome. Just to be up front, it's all physical. Intellectually, I'm all there. For fuck sakes mate, I'm writing this blog. Anyways… In a nutshell, moebiussyndrome.org defines Moebius syndrome as, “a rare neurological disorder characterized by weakness or paralysis (palsy) of multiple cranial nerves, most often the 6th (abducens) and 7th (facial) nerves. Other cranial nerves are sometimes affected. The disorder is present at birth.” In my case, my whole face is paralyzed. I can't move my lips. I'm borderline death and blind. I have no side vision, which means I can't move my eyes left or right to look to my side. And to compensate for my poor vision, I wear glasses with a strong prescription and HUGE prisms. To compensate for my hearing loss, I wear something called a BAHA (aka a bone anchored hearing device). Basically, it vibrates off my skull and sends sound to my middle ear, giving me the ability to hear. In other words, my skull is basically a giant amplifier. It's actually some pretty cool shit. I'll have to get more in-depth on it one of these days. But getting back to my disability, my throat is half paralyzed, and since my face doesn't move at all, I had to learn to speak in a totally different manner than the average joe learns how to speak. Not to mention, that I suffer from chronic headaches that basically cripple me to the point where I can't move and because of that, they cause me to miss a lot of time at school and basically cripple my social life. And on top of all of that, I have a weak immune system, which means I'm prone to infection.

Backtracking a bit, when I was born, my body was all crooked. My arms bent in odd directions and for the longest time, I could not sit up on my own. The doctors told my parents that I wouldn't be able to walk or talk. They told my parents I would have to be tube fed. The doctors told my parents that I'd better learn some sign language because that's the only possible way I would be able to communicate.

But, luckily, I had a mother that was willing to put a lot of time and effort into defying the odds and literally bending me into shape. My mom found out a way to bottle feed me. And from there, my mom came up with her own version of physical therapy. At times, from a third person perspective, it looked like she was straight up torturing me (based on several witness testimonies from various family members), but she got me to the point where I could sit up on my own. Then slowly but surely, my mom got me to the point where I could walk. That in itself surprised my family doctor. But then my mom slowly taught me how to talk. Most people when they talk, use their lips to formulate certain sounds. I don't talk that way. I use the back of my front teeth to do that stuff since I can't move my lips. So that was a learning curve for me, but it was a worthwhile learning curve because, duh I can talk and I can  proudly, not to mention, clearly and precisely say she sells seashells down by the seashore! The next thing you know, I'm conversing with everybody and basically blowing people's minds with my progress.

When I went to my neurologist for my first time, my mom said I was around four years old, the neurologist called me into his office and when I walked in, he didn't think it was me because he was expecting to see a kid in a wheelchair. He asked me what my name was and my mom says when I answered him, he was basically in a momentary state of shock (talk about hybrid moments) and he was beyond blown away with the fact that this kid who should be a crippled, is walking around his office talking to him and answering his questions. He was like, ‘Holy shit, how… how in God’s holy name is this possible?’

As my life kept going, I kept defying the odds.The Make-A-Wish Foundation was so inspired by my story (up to that point) that they gave me the opportunity to meet my favourite tough guy and beloved Toronto Maple Leafs player, number twenty-eight, Tie Domi. (That was pretty fucking cool! He got into a fight for me that night. And Tie even told an ignorant camera guy from TSN to ‘go fuck off’ because he complained that I wasn't smiling due to my disability. That was something I'll never forget. As Don Cherry would say, “What a guy! That's my type of guy, I tell ya!). When I was six years old I rode a bike for the first, something the doctors said I would never do. When I was nine years old, I actually played a guitar for the first time, something the doctors said I wouldn't be able to do because of my poor fine-gross motor skills. Throughout my younger years, I was able to perform (and excel) in a school environment, which is something that the doctors, not in their wildest dreams, ever thought I would be able to do. By doing all that shit, I basically took their perception of impossible and threw it in the garbage and changed the way they looked at people in my situation.

I'm not bullshiting when I said I met Tie Domi. What a beautiful guy, eh?

Yes, during that time I had my fair share of issues. I got hospitalized with Pneumonia thirteen times (that's not being exaggerated) and I missed a boat load of time at school. All the nurses knew me, put it that way. I dealt with some personal issues that altered the way I lived my life. I was told I could never get my driver's license, which sucked more dick than a hooker during Mardi Gras. But in the end, I was still there, rocking in the free world. I’m grateful to be able to walk, talk and eat. I’m grateful to have a life where the sky is my limit. For I do know that some kids that suffer from my syndrome are not nearly as lucky as I am. That is why I consider each day that I live to be a blessing. For the love of all things good, I didn't let my disability define me then and to this day I never let it define me now.

Now back to my view on the “meaning of life”. I think the meaning of life of life is to be the best person you can be. I think the meaning of life is to wake up and treat everyday like it's your last and to be grateful for the life you have. I think it's to be the best version of you. I think it's to chase your dreams, and not let the circumstances hold your back from what you truly want to be. I think the meaning of life is to inspire others to do great things by doing great things yourself. Yes, there will be bad days. Yes, there will be times where there’s no meaning to your life. It’s all natural, but as the old saying goes, ‘There's always darkness before the dawn.’ Be grateful for what you have. When I’m asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty, my only response is that I am happy to have a cup. And that’s the way I feel about life.

I currently just graduated high school as an honor student. I won the creative writing award and an adversity award. I'm going to Humber College in Toronto for my Bachelor of Journalism. Going forward in my life, my personal goal is to one day become a sports journalist and spend the rest of my days covering hockey, baseball and mixed martial arts. A big part of me wants to write a book to share my life story in hopes of inspiring people to chase their dreams, and to not let the odds define them. Another personal dream of mine is to become a standup comedian and have a popular podcast like Joe Rogan. You know, like be that ‘jack of all trades’? I want to go to as many concerts as possible and one day meet a flurry of my favourite musicians like Eddie Vedder, Gord Downie, Dallas Green, and many more. I aspire to meet some new people as I journey on through the sands of time. And if it isn't too much to ask, I would like to live to see the day when the Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

You see, yes, life sucks, and I think we all know that, but I'm not one to sit in my room and listen to My Chemical Romance and have a pity party. That's just not me. It never will be me. I believe you gotta grab life by the balls and run with it. If ya mess with bull, you're going to get it by the horns. By that I mean when life tries to hold you back, you gotta kick it in the balls and say, “You're not getting my purse today ya bloody cunt!” Don't sit in your room and swing life away, writing songs about all the people you think are gay! Do something worthwhile with your life! Go on adventures. Go to concerts. See the Seven Wonders of the World. Live your life. Find your purpose. Be who you want to be and don't let others drag you down. Don't be defined by the odds, you define the odds! That's what I did! And until the day I die, that's what I will continue to do!